Stay with Your Wife, Keep Your Live In

I always wanted to be a one man woman. I really did.

I grew up in church. Lived in church. Was indoctrinated to the highest. Licensed Minister with degrees in Theology and Philosophy. I do not thumb the bible. I interpret the bible and will silence those who think they know with what I actually know.

A few years ago, I began the process of un-indoctrination (truth seeker) and it has been a soul stirring, mind rattling, spirit moving journey! I have lamented and cried, and laid in the floor and wrapped myself in my nakedness.

I have thrown books, screamed into the sky, ran to the altar and sat with the angels and ancestors. Once, the revelations were so unearthing, I could not speak or move. All I could do was rock and cry.

For hours.

My son just sat with me.

What I have learned and what I am learning, no longer keeps me up at night as I sip peace and dance in delight.

Now, I am so free I feel like I am above the atmosphere. I am finally making sense within myself and peeling off all the beautiful layers of ME.

I was taught “good” women, got married. Settled down. Had children and was happy with just one dick. For the REST OF HER LIFE.

I did that. All of it and I was miserable.

I tried to convince myself that my inability to be tamed was a decision. It was something I could pray away, similar to praying away the gay.

It’s not a choice. It is who I am.

Trying to box me in is like trying to contain air.

I am stunning. Yes, I say that often. Out loud. I taste like honeysuckle and wild cherries and I smell like vanilla.

I am a professional woman. I am a domesticated woman. I earn a great living. I cook, clean, garden and snap peas with my hands. Just yesterday, I sanded and started staining the new handrails on my front porch and enjoyed it so much I see myself in the wood section of Lowes more often.

I heard they have a class or something.

I digress.

My meals are cooked from scratch and the mini bar always has his favorite bottle and beer is always cold. I know how to take care of a man. Making him feel good is a pleasure.

It’s not a manipulation. It’s a ministry.

I am girly. I love pretty dresses and red lipstick. My hair up in a bun with a swoop bang. I rarely wear pants unless they are cute ripped up jeans with a lace bra and jacket or a random tee.

I am a good. Really good and I understand why most of the men who I have ever spent any time with want to marry me.

SO THEY THINK.

Truth of the matter is, I am unruly. I follow my own compass. I may stay. I may go. I say what it is on my mind. I am not tipping around anyone’s ego. I curse. Shoot at the range and occasionally enjoy a great cigar.

My toes are always painted in a soft pastel color, my ankles adorned with gold dainty bracelets and my skin is dusted with gold flakes. Seriously.

I play basketball with my son and throw footballs to my daughter. I whisper and I yell. Iove being on top and I sink into being underneath, and pull in.

Very complicated. Very easy.

I don’t compromise any part of my life (it is my life) and I don’t ask. I inform.

I love hard. I am compassionate and passionate. I rub his back and kiss the boo boos. I am going to make sure he can’t breathe and I like hearing my name.

Say my name, baby, Say my name.

I am normally a one man at a time girl but I am never sure how long it will last. Or how long I will last. I get bored.

I have a tendency to sabotage. I beckon to come and I release to go. Best believe, anything or anyone I wanted to keep I have.

I love my life. My freedom. Sleeping in the middle of my bed. Not having to hear his randomness or deal with the daily bullshit. I board a plane in a few hours and I didn’t seek anyone’s permission or nod to go.

I am a grown ass woman. I come and go as I please. The only people I answer to or give an account are my children.

Period.

When I want him, I want him and he gets all of me. Every single time.

The time can be a moment, a few months or a few years but for all of my days and all of my life….nah,

I can’t promise anyone that in good faith.

If he needs that level of access to me I can’t give that. I won’t give that.

My advice to bro, keep the wife and the live in because I have a title.

Its taken.

DANA’s woman.